Standard Level Procedure: Orange

Many of you are well aware that as a recent college graduate with minimum experience in the corporate world, the chances that I will find a well paying, rewarding job are almost slim to absolutely zip. Had I been better advised in that area, I might be well on my way to landing a job as some head honchos coffee-girl, but alas, I find myself channel surfing on a well worn couch as my dog licks the bottoms of my feet...at noon on a Tuesday.

This is not to say that my parents aren't encouraging me to get up off my lazy bum and do something about the tedium that comes with unemployment (also, perfecting one's nail painting becomes easier...*thoughts of Beauty School dance through my head*...) A week ago, my father presented me with two books, the titles of which I cannot remember correctly but fall into the category of "In Two Years You Better Have Enough Money to Live by Yourself or I'm Kicking You Out". The problem herein is that the market has been such pure poo that the only "real" job I can find is one where I chase a 3 year old around and shout "Here I come!" in a completely non-pedophile like manner.

Craigslist, Monster and CareerBuilder have offered nothing in the way of help, but instead bombard me daily with new job openings that sound more like titles for movies: "Attack of the Administrative Assistant!" or "Escape from the Editor-In-Training" (If you have not figured it out by now, my preferred line of work is in publishing or media. Obviously, I'm a glutton for punishment). While Monster has been utterly useless, CareerBuilder and Craigslist have offered me fodder for a great deal of cynical comments later on in life. For example, my favorite has been "EXTRAZ NEEDED FOR MOVIE!!! BIG BUCKS!!" They must assume we are completely daft about the workings of the real world (and deaf, hence the permanent caps lock) but admittedly, the idea of working for Hollywood must appeal to many because they take these ads down within a week or two.

Craigslist, while quite the former hotspot for people under 30 searching for something to do, is now the host to a small array of job listings that I can briefly shift through before moving on to my favorite part, the personals. To be honest, at low moments on that website I have almost answered ads for a "sugadaddy", but then I smack myself around with my BA and reflect on all those grueling hours spent in my dorm room writing 10 page analytical papers about Thoreau (though he truly was a dull fellow...and a mama's boy). Why waste all that accumulated knowledge by becoming someone's yappy sluthound?

I plan on using this journal to explain the rest of my "Adventures in Unemployment", a pivotal time in my life where focusing on paper clip castles has taken importance over, say, picking up my little brother from school when its 98 degrees out and we live over 2 miles away.

He'll survive.