Keeping it Sweet

Today I finally reached a mini-goal: 50 applications in 3 months! Zero of which, obviously, lead to a full time job, but nonetheless it is a celebration to be taken with lots of wine, chocolate and Valium.

Despite having been a stickler about not getting married before thirty, the fact that even a bridal consulting firm won't hire me (oh, the irony is seriously not lost, really it's not) has forced me to reconsider my options. Perhaps the best way to make a little money is to show some cleave, accept that being smart gets you bupkis and move on to pursuing men in earnest. In my glee (and chocolate induced haze) I stumbled upon match.com, chemistry.com, plentyoffish.com (my personal favorite URL) and, get this, sugardaddyforme.com.

Before college I had no idea what a sugar daddy was; I assumed it had something to do with confections of some sort. When an old roommate walked into our living room to announce that she was dropping out of school and finding a sugar daddy (all in jest, I hope), I finally understood. At the time, this epiphany did not change how I felt about the institution of matrimonial bliss, though I did take a moment to reflect on how having a man support you would be both good and bad. In honor of that list, I decided to type out a more up to date version.

Kaitlin Adele's Top Five Reasons why Dating a Man with Cash makes life Easier.
1.) He has money to burn, baby.
2.) He'll treat me like a princess by throwing labels in my direction (and I don't mean Cambell's, either)
3.) Flying me to the Bahamas is like doing simple math.
4.) He would most likely have a pool.
5.) I would not have to go through the job application process because I'd have more money than Midas (with the same replenishment abilities...)

Kaitlin Adele's Top Five Reasons why Dating a Man with Cash is a VERY BAD IDEA (VBI):
1.) He won't care about anything I have to say, shutting me up with Benjamins.
2.) I'll have to find love elsewhere and if he finds out I'm on my ass without a nickel.
3.) It's mildly archaic when I have a college degree and a brain.
4.) I'd have to lose weight to fit into a bikini by the pool to look hot to get more cash.
5.) I wouldn't have all those experiences of being young and free that we wax poetic about in high school (not to mention that if I ordered a beer when we went out he'd laugh and hand me Cristal...wait, that's a bad thing?)

While I weighted these options, I decided to take a peek at what this sugardaddyforme website offered. Instead of putting my real name (because I already made the VBI list), I made a fake profile and perused the website to see if my opinions about being well kept were even close to viable. What I encountered was a random grouping of men, ranging in ages from 23-60ish who want to take care of women and spoil them rotten. Most of my life I have tried not to pass judgment when it comes to lifestyle choices, but this one bothers me. In the past 12 hours, 2 men have sent me emails. Both are over 40, one of them married still and both wanting discretion, but want to be able to support a woman with specific qualities, the most important being "fit".

In Britain, according to my friend Chris, "fit" describes a woman who is good looking despite size or shape. America has a different take and has decided that "fit" means "bangin'". It's a bit of a self-esteem smack to me, being as I am above average but lack the awesomeness of being a stick figure dressed in Barbie's latest.

All in all, I have decided that being a sugar baby just isn't for me. I read too much, I don't like short skirts and heels give me blisters. Personally, I'd like to lounge in my jeans and work for my money...

...just maybe not in the bedroom.