The Myspace Mambo

As a viral marketer, you really have to get in there and know the people you're catering to.

Despite all my past opinions on Myspace, it has sort of become my habitat, though not a niche of any sort.

I spend a great deal of time accepting friend requests, updating statuses and taking stock of the scantily clad females and unsigned musicians gagging at their chance to make it big...ish. It's only Myspace after all, and when someone says "have you heard of this guy, he's big on the intrawebz," people merely shake their heads and label you a nerd. And ladies, taking your top off in your Myspace photo only limits you to the creepers that stalk the site for that purpose alone. Pack on some self-esteem and join Match.com. If it worked for me, it's more than likely going to work for you.

Despite those two rather general categories, they've also branched out into the following:

1.) The not-quite-legal emo-faced hipster
2.) The could-be-your-mom-if-she-was-a-redneck profile
3.) Pictures of food when you're clearly a human
4.) Yes, it's your cat, but why the hell do we care
5.) Mom's with their kids who ask you for 3 forms of ID before friendship
6.) Your bra is pretty but you're not
7.) Chefs. And lots of 'em.
8.) I see that shot of your cleavage, but I'd rather see your face
9.) Are you that rapper that tries to corner me in Times Square?
10.) You're a DJ...so you're automatically too cool to be my friend.
11.) Is that a mugshot or a scene way to be awesome?
12.) Completely average, everyday, totally normal 20-somethings
13.) That frat guy with a backwards cap and a drunken grin, holding a stein
14.) Family profiles
15.) Loads and loads of canned spam. Or email spam, all the same.

This isn't to stay that Myspace doesn't have its perks. Everyone tends to accept you whether or not you have the same political beliefs or similar unicorn pictures gracing your profile background. It's the sort of Utopian society that Thomas Moore dreamed about, minus the obvious web infrastructure and nudity. Why can't the "real world" be more like this online social crossroads?

...though to be honest, if the world was like that I probably wouldn't want to live there.